Going back home

I had been going home during the Christmas holidays to see the family in New York the first couple of years. I couldn't understand why each time I  go home to see them, I get stopped by through immigrations. Each time that I go visit them, this was what has been happening. They were asking all these questions and what have I been doing all this time while living in Ireland. I told them that I was a student. I had no idea that I was going to get into trouble. I then realized the problem. I have been using my American passport to go home to New York. But I had no problem returning to Ireland.

I thought it was really strange why I was getting stopped through immigrations. The way they were looking at me I really thought I was going to get in serious trouble and that what I was thinking about. What I found very strange was each time I was stopped through immigrations first Heathrow one year and Belfast to another, it was always the same guy that stopped me. I recognized him the second time around. I said to myself "Oh fuck". I kept thinking that I was going to be harassed and tortured the way they did in The Name Of The Father.

Basically when I was pulled over the first time, they told me that I have been living in Ireland a year and a half illegally. I was shocked. I thought it was going to be fine since my parents are from Derry. The second time around when I was pulled over again, I was brought to this woman in another room and she told me what I have been doing all this time and that was when I told her that I was going to school. She told me that
if I wanted to stay in Ireland I would need to get my passport sorted out which means I would have to get a British passport so that when I fly back to America I would use my British passport and when I return use the American passport.  My aunt Ann & her husband brought me up to Belfast which was really nice of them to do that and I had gotten the British Passport sorted out.

To this day mom still thinks I should had given up my American passport.  But I don't think so. I am thinking that if this is true and that I was suppose to give it up, then why did immigrations take my American passport away from me? It just didn't make any sense at all. That's when I thought I was dual citizenship.

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Strange activities

I went over to my cousin Lisa's flat and she was telling me that she had a strange experience in her flat. There was two glass window with a wooden divider that separates the livingroom and kitchen. She was lying down and in the middle of the night she heard hammering and sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. I guess she figured that her husband came home early from work or something. By the next morning she walked in the kitchen and she was this large nail on the wooden part of the divider saw before. Her husband never put that there. She was getting a little freaky in the Flat and being on her own. Many times I spent the night at her Flat on the sofa.

I could tell you that there has been several times I was laying on the sofa facing the back part of the sofa and opened my eyes and felt someone was behind me. I couldn't move because I was afraid of moving and wondered what was standing behind me until I was able to move again. I told myself please whoever is standing behind me, do not touch me, just go away and leave me alone. I was telling my cousin my experience on the sofa and she was telling me that she felt the same way one time while sleeping on the sofa which was why she asked me to spend nights with her while her husband was at work. I told her that wasn't a problem.

She was in the kitchen one day and she was looking for something and all I heard from her was "Fuck sakes Mrs Sweeney". I was like what? I didn't know what she was talking about. I guess she was now believing there is a ghost in the Flat and called the ghost Mrs Sweeney.  I think since our experience in the Flat she put her name down for a house.

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A message from New York

I always enjoyed seeing my aunt Ann & Jim. They always made me feel safe, of course all my family made me feel safe. Uncle Jim wanted to see me up the stairs and I really wasn't sure what he wanted and it made me curious. So I ran upstairs and he didn't know how to tell me what he was going to tell me. It was definitely bad news from the looks of his face.  The only way for him to say it to me is just say it. It was my brother's daughter. She had died at age 4. It was sort of weird because I just saw her that past Christmas too.  I didn't know the full story but it lead my brother in jail which is a concern wondering if he will be okay in there.

I wanted to hit Jim for saying such thing as I didn't want to believe it.  I didn't know how to take it, but my legs collapsed to the floor, kneeling in front of Uncle Jim. He helped me up from the floor. I felt weird and I started to walk down the stairs and heading my way out the back door slowly as if I was in a daze, and that was what I was, in a daze. I didn't know where I was going but I wanted to get out of the house.

I felt the need to go over there but after everybody was talking and discussing about it because they were going to bunch in and send me over to New York, and they decided that I should stay rather than go back to New York to see the family and my niece. They told me that it would be better if I stayed and think of the way she was. Perhaps they were right. Actually, they were right because I don't think I would be able to handle seeing her little coffin.  I was told that she looked like a little angel and I guess that's what she was - an Angel.

There was a stuffed animal (BarBar) which my mother sent over to me. I always had it on my bed to feel closer to her. I actually smelled my neice through the stuffed animal. So I kind of felt closer to her.

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Community Drama

I didn't know what to expect at the Community Drama course that I was attending at Magee. I did know that it was one night a week for 3 hours long which is a good length of time and somewhat some kind of acting. I was scared of being around with total strangers to be honest and we always had to go around in a circle to discuss how our evening went.

There was 6 modules of the class which means the class lasts for 2 years.  Each module was different, like community drama, improvisation, stage lighting, and so on. I was starting to like the class and feeling a little more comfortable with other friends that I had made in the group. I didn't like the improvisation part of the class because I am not good with the improvisation. There were a couple of friends that are sort of professionals in the acting field and I do enjoy being with them and got to get close with them and getting to know, and of course there are a couple of those class friends who were kind of like far out there, you know, kind of weird.  Each module passed we were getting closer and closer as a group and was enjoying each others company.

After each class is finished I was pretty pleased that I completed that night's class. It meant that I had accomplished something. And I knew that I was going to like the class until the duration.

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Getting back to work

I knew that I had to find work because after a couple of years unemployed I was getting fed up going down to sign my name once a week and receive my unemployment check every two weeks.  Each meet I had to go down there to the unemployment I had to explain what I had done to help me get a job and even that was getting boring because it was basically the same bullshit each time.  It was very easy money though when you are unemployed but it was a hassle of going down there and sign your name.  It was different than the US.  I think the US was that you call up a number and push in a your client number or something and that was it.  So it was time to take control with my life.

So I looked at places where there were training courses and found one and did that for about 8 months or so. The training course was fun but there were some parts of the course that I couldn't get and the instructor was getting very frustrated and impatient with me. I started to cry and she asked why I was crying. It wasn't that she was getting frustrated that was upsetting me, it was the fact that I couldn't get a particular part of the course correct.

North West Training Services (that was their name) got me a job for photography assistant and I think that lasted for a few weeks. I then landed with a job at a homeless organization as an Administrative Assistant. It was perfect because the training involved with office skills. I even had the opportunity to take part to go on I believe it was Radio Foyle and discuss to the public my experience with North West Training.  It was really fun.

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To much time and nothing to do

During my time unemployed and collecting unemployment I had given my aunt Maggy some money to contribute to the household on top of that I had done some household chores.  It was the least that I could do for them for putting me up staying with them.  At the same time I was getting really bored just lounging around doing nothing.

I also had all this time on my hands and I really wasn't doing anything active so I thought about going to night classes.  So I checked in to see what classes were opened and were given at Magee University and saw Community Drama was one of the classes on the list.  I thought that would be an interesting class to take.  It was in the evenings once a week for 2 years.

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