I”m moving again

Since Craig’s passing away, I figured to move back to Derry, Northern Ireland since there is nothing else for me in Letterkenny.  There were memories in that apartment and that location so I think it is best to move to Derry to be close with my family and some of my friends as well.

At the moment while my uncle Joe and I are sorting Craig’s stuff out and then work on myself I have been staying with my aunt Maggie. She was happy to have me with her.  I will stay here until I get my head straight and also sorted out and then I could move into apartment of my own.

RIP my beautiful Husband Craig

It’s been a while since I had used this blog. I had bad news from Galway.   My beautiful husband Craig had passed away Tuesday morning 18th December 2018.  I am having a hard time moving forward and living without him now.  I’m very much heartbroken because I have been taking care of him basically for the 11 years we have been together.  I was going to view a house in Killea (Ireland) and after the viewing (it was raining out too) I got the call from Galway hospital since he was going down there to get a stent put in.  He wasn’t feeling well and kept going in and out of consciousness and then his heart stopped.  They used CPR for 50 minutes and then stopped.

I called a couple of my aunts because I was heading back at home in letterkenny.  I didn’t know what to do either go Letterkenny or Derry to be with family and friends.  So I chosen Derry because I didn’t want to be alone. I called my friend Lorraine who I used to work with back in the 90s and told her what happened.  She immediately called for a taxi and told me to come straight over to her work.

I was too upset because Craig was the love of my life and I couldn’t believe that he is gone.  I tried getting in touch with family because they were ones I could turn to.  But I couldn’t get in touch with any of them until I made contact with my uncle Joe D.

I was so confused and didn’t know what to do.  Joe helped me a lot through this hard time I am going through and he is still helping me out for what he could.  He is a life saver.

I was going through Craig’s ipad and saw his last picture that he had taken of him in the hospital 4 days before his death.

I don’t think i will get over this and over him.  He is always on my mind, but I know he would want me to move forward without him and be happy to continue my life so I am trying to do it and be happy and do this for him.  He never liked me to be sad so I have to be strong.

I'm in Galway

Not where I want to be right now but I had to come down to Galway because Craig wasn't feeling the best since he has been in Galway University Hospital for the past 2 1/2 weeks now, and I have been here for a week.   I was suppose to go home in the morning and check out of the B&B because the funds are all gone from our savings on this trip.  I then got a message from Craig that he got in touch with infection disease and she called the social worker and wanted to meet up with me first thing in the morning.

In front of the Abbey Lodge Bed & Breakfast

I have to see what will happens with this social worker and what they could do in order for me to stay with Craig for Emergency Accommodation.  

Binx is missing

I got pre occupied with going back and forth to the hospital for a week when I realized that the neighbor's cat stopped coming around.  I wasn't sure what or where he was because he is always at our kitchen window looking to get in for food and sleep.

I bumped in to my neighbor (Paddy) next door where Binx always goes to as well and asked him if he had seen Binx around because I haven't seen him in a week.  He was wondering about the same thing.  Binx little play mate went into Paddy's back door which was opened and looking for Binx.  It is kind of sad because they played around all the time, and now Binx is gone.

Paddy did tell me a couple of stories about Binx that one time Binx was gone for a whole month and came back to the neighborhood.  Another time Paddy and his dog was going to the tore and Binx followed them up a mile up to the nearest store and then back again.  

 I think Paddy was to go over to the neighbor and asked about Binx but I still have to see Paddy about it.    I sure do miss the little guy coming around because he helped with my depression.  It was fun to see him around.  I also watched him play with his toys which was bottle caps and milk rings.  

A day out in the car

A few weeks ago my aunt Ann and uncle Jim came over and took Craig and me for a run in their car up to Ramelton, past Rathmullan, up to Port Salon and around back home again.  We did stop by in front of someone's house down the path where we parked and had some sandwiches and some tea.  It was a beautiful sunny day and it was a nice drive around.  When we were returning home, we stopped by and got ourselves a poke ice cream which we always get when going out for a drive. 

A visit to Aunties

I decided to leave Letterkenny for the day because Craig's mother was getting on my last nerve. 

I left the house and walked from the house to the bus depot and then took the buseirran bus into Derry.  I think it took about 40 minutes to get to the bus depot.  I just made it for the Derry bus.  The bus driver waited for me which was really nice of him to do that.

I arrived into Derry and started walking around making my way toward the Tech.  I was hoping to see my friend Cathal because that's the where he works at, but I didn't see him. 

I made a phone call to my aunt and explained to her what was going on and she told me to come on up.  I told her I will be there in about 20 minutes, didn't realize how long it would take to walk from the Tech college to her house.  I think it was 45 minute walk.

We talked in the kitchen for a while.  I eventually went with her around 3pm to pick up the two grandchildren Rian and Robbie from school.  After we picked them up we went to the grocery shop and she got the kids ice cream and we went to the park afterwards for about an hour until they both were upset and Robbie was crying and started to throw water bottle which was on the table at Rian.  He then ran away toward the two fields.  Auntie was telling me to get Robbie.  I wasn't sure if he would run away.  I chased him over two fields and over an 8 foot metal fence to the main road.

It was awful because traffice was being held up while auntie waited on the main road.  I had to pick him up and cross the main road.  I didn't know what was going to happen.  I was afraid he might had cross the street.  Later I found out that he was diagnosed with Autism.  He was dropped off where his mother was getting her hair done. 

We then went back to Auntie's house for the evening.  We did have a dinner and then my cousin brought chips so auntie and I could munch on. 

I took the second last bus back into Letterkenny.  Auntie drove me back to the Derry Depot. I wasn't happy returning to the house because Craig's mother was going to be there.  I ended up staying in the bedroom for the rest of the night.

A visit to Rathmullan

I was chatting with a friend I met on one of the social sites.  He wanted to take Craig, his mother and me out for a drive.  I asked Craig if he wanted to do it. 


"I don't think its a good idea", he said. 


I have a feeling that is his mother saying.  I don't think he would say that normally.  If she wasn't around I have a feeling we would end up going with Gerard., that's his name.


I took the opportunity to meet up with Gerard.  So last Monday I met up with Gerard for the first time.  It turns out that he is a really nice guy.  Loves a good laugh.  He is originally from Rathmullan but lives in Iowa.  He hopes to someday to move back home soon in Rathmullan.  He showed me around the area.  The beach was nice where we took a stroll about 1/2 a mile and back again.  We then went back to the place he was staying at where he grew up in and we sat in the living room with a good 2 hour chat lots of laughs.  I really did enjoy my time with him.


I hope to see him really soon again since he comes like 3 times a year.  I do plan on hanging out with him.. I do like his kindness and humor.

Craig's mother in town OH NO!

Its been a couple of months since I last blogged.  Update on Craig's visit in the hospital lasted for 10 weeks altogether.  Turned out that he had to get 3 stents put in around his heart.  He does feel a bit better since it was put in.  He did say he doesn't feel as cold as he was before.  Which I think is a good sign.  During that time I was depresssed and it continued.  You know why?  Well I'm gonna tell ya...

...His mother was here for 2 1/2 weeks who is a nature path or whatever you call them.  She brought her pulse (sort of thing) machine and did some treatments daily for him and I guess according to him (since his mother left) he feels a bit better from the treatments.

I had to house sit as well watch over my friend Lorraine's cat for 10 days since she was going on a cruise with her family.  So that was fine. Craig did come with me as I needed to watch over him as well.

A few days later, that's when his mother came.  Things were fine from the beginning during her stay but things started to get hostel between her and me.  She was starting to annoy me on the things that she does and trying to change the way I live.  I wasn't all for it.  I wasn't going to change my cleaning supplies to more non toxic, bacteria she mentioned and all that.  MAJOR CONTROL FREAK. The neighbor's cat wasn't allow to come into the house. 

My aunt Ann and uncle took Craig and his mother for a couple of outings.I didn't feel like going because I just didn't want to go anywhere.

During the end of her holiday here she approached me alone in the kitchen and why she made me feel uncomfortable.  I didn't know what she was talking about.  Then she pointed out a few things she changed in the kitchen. I told her with the rearranging I couldn't get something without opening two cabinets and it was driving me nuts, so I switched it back the way it was.   That's all I need is for her to bust my chops before she needs.

I spent most of the time in the bedroom so they could have alone time.  Since she is 79 years old who knows when the next time he will see her.  For me, I could care less if I ever see her again.  I don't really know the woman.  But I really hope she doesn't come back and stir up bullshit again and rearranging again.

Back to ER again

I am so annoyed with Letterkenny Hospital.  They are messing around with Craig's health.  After 4 weeks, they discharged him and within 9 hours later we had to call for amublance again. So back to ER again. They took an Xray and blood work and found Pneumonia.  We laughed when they told us that he was going back to the same ward because some of the nurses don't like Craig.  They also don't like to tell you what's going on after tests or anything like that. 

I stayed with Craig from ER until the time he got his bed (12.30am - 6.30am). I was very very tired and my eyes were burning so I told Craig that I have to go home.

At 2.30pm and it was visitig hours.  Craig and I were talking and he was telling me they were suppose to put an IV in his arm for his 3 antibiotics and the doctor never did put one one last time he was there earlier.  I was very annoyed because the doctor should had put the IV on right there and give him his antibitoics.  So there he was without antibiotics from the time he was admitted until I arrived.

When I left to go home, I stopped by the desk and told the woman when will the doctor coming on the floor.  She said that he already came.  I told her that Craig suppose to be on 3 antibiotics and suppose to have an IV in his arm for those antibiotics should had been taken when the doctor showed up earlier.  I asked if the doctor was coming back and she said yes. 

I am soo pissed off at that ward.  They act like they don't care about their patients.  Just last week and a half the nurses were sobbing because they lost 3 patients which died.  So I am pretty scared and concerned about Craig's health.  They shouldn't be messing with his health. 

Two Grumpy Patients at the hospital

What a nightmare it was yesterday at the hospital ward.  Two ignorant obnoxious grumpy men in their 60s or something like that kept attacking Craig verbally fucking Americans this and fucking Americans that.  Very rude and they kept attacking me as well how I was a wanna-be Irishman.  I kept laughing at their bullshit.  I do think its uncalled for with their verbal abuse, all over a window which Craig opens and the other one immediately closes it.  The guy called the nurse to close the window and she asked if it was okay and we both interrupted her that he always wanted it to be kept closed. 

The other patient thought they could get Craig kicked out of the hospital because he is American and how they pay their taxes which one called out so we could hear and deserve to be treated.  It wasn't like they weren't being treated to start with. 

It turned out that the nurses had to resolve it to the manager and had the security guard come with her into the ward.  I let Craig talk out his feelings to the manager.  They don't tolerate verbal abuse and treats everybody with respect.

The two grumpy patients were transferred to another ward. within a couple of hours. 

GOOD RIDDANCE

Its Tripping time

He had an appointment last Tuesday with Galway and luckily he slept through the ride but by the time he got to the hospital there, the ambulance went for their lunch and he was getting hot and sweaty being strapped down and they couldn't find his name in the computer and he went into panic mode which wasn't a comfortable feeling for him.  They ended up giving him a room where the appointment was being taken place.

Monday he is suppose to go down to Dublin for a couple of MRIs.  And I do hope everything goes well there because if he goes into panick mode again like he did down in Galway then they may not take him because of him panicking and it would just be a waste of a trip.  That's why I hope they give him something to calm him down.

Yesterday he went for MRI upstairs and he couldn't lay down because of his breathing and he started to panick.  So he will have to do it sometime during the week. 

Galway cancelled

Well Monday we had to cancel our trip to Galway due to Craig having breathing and weasing problems at 3.30am in the morning.  It frustrates me when every time we have to go to the hospital it has to be in the middle of the night for some reason.

We were suppose to do a stay over at Galway in one of the Bed and Breakfast because it takes about 4-5 hours to get down there from Letterkenny.    They had rescheduled for Galway for Tuesday again.  So if he is still in the hospital, which I think he just may be, its their responsibility to get him down there and back as a patient.

Wow, what a week it has been.  All the tests were coming out clear.  He has been in the hospital all week and they are still trying to figure out why his legs are swollen.  They are checking his heart as well so he has a heart rate monitor on him.  They did run a test on his heart and there was an extra beat there.  Maybe its a good sign they found something there.  Who knows.

I have been going back and forth to the hospital like crazy and I don't know how I could do it anymore because it costs money on taxis to get down to the hospital and back home again. 

What I think might happen is that he will stay for the weekend and also on Monday as well so they could drive him down to Galway by ambulance or something for his appointment and bring him back up again.  Afterall, it is their responsibility to make sure that he is back to Letterkenny Hospital safely.

I suddenly lost it

Some of you may not know this but I do suffer from depression and it has been one of my problems for many years.  The past couple of months I hadn't been taking my medications on a daily basis due to forgetting to take them.  I didn't realize that its been since October my last refill.  I didn't think it was that long from my last refills.

I started thinking about our cats back in the states and wondering if they are okay.  I started to worry. I know they are in homes rather than the Humane Society but still it would be nice to know how they are doing.  I lost all contacts with the new owners because I deleted all their emails an also all the past emails.  I didn't want to come off as being a pest or stalker or whichever.

So I started looking at all the kitty pictures which I had taken of the three of them over the years that we had them since they were kittens.  I guess the neighbor's cat made me feel a little comfort to know that she comes around every day.

But I still felt that emptiness.  A loss.  I thought, what have I done?  But I tried to gather up money to bring them with us but nobody offered to contribute only one person.  Very sad situation when you know that you are about to loose your pets.

I started watching some kitty videos and some really were cute videos and made me laugh, but there were some that I had watched that were devastated and I really started getting emotional and started to cry.  Especially the one that is along with this post of the cat family.







Now the past couple of days when I think about the cats we had given away I think about those kittens who didn't have a chance to live.  I cried and cried.  They should had some more time.

Last night I was in bed.  I started talking to Craig about the cats when all of a sudden I bursted out crying terribly and I couldn't stop crying loudly. I lost it.

Earlier today I told Craig that my depression is falling down hill.  I need to get my medications again and start taking them without forgetting on a regular basis.

She Is A He

Today Miss Cleo came to the window cill at our kitchen.  Craig went to the back door to bring her in.  Bumped into the neighbor next door who was smoking a cigarette.  The neighbor started laughing because Miss Cleo just came from his house.  Well turns out that Miss Cleo was not a she but a he.  His name is Bink and he belong to the little girl and her father down the street.  Our neighbor next door told us that Bink kind of rules this neighborhood because he goes house to house to get in.  I think its kind of funny.

Bink is very smart kitty.  He knows when to go to the bathroom because he meows at the door to go outside for a while and go pee or take a poop.  He also very playful loves playing with bottle caps.  Always curious too whats in the next room behind the closed door so he jumps on the handle and tries to open it with his paws.  LOL

Happy Holidays

Yes, the holidays has come and gone.  We went to my aunt's house in Derry to spend time with the family for the day.  It was fun and had good times there.  My uncle Joe picked us up which was really nice of him to do that.  Brought cookies and gave them to him.  Gave the rest of the cookies to my aunt Maggies.  

New Years Eve was just okay.  We didn't really do anything just stayed home and had a few drinks and listened to music.  Sadly, our Internet Service Provider was an outage for about 36 hours from NYE 3am to New Years day 3pm.  So we were basically bored and tried to entertain ourselves with just music and the few drinks.  Luckily we had internet access through Craig's ipad and that kept us both busy as I worked on websites offline.

Miss Cleo the cat

Since moving into our new apartment we saw a black cat sitting across the street on the sidewalk. I went to get a piece of ham from the fridge and placed it on the floor outside.  She ran across the street as we closed the door.  We went into the bedroom and watched her eat until she finished it.    We went into the kitchen and there she was at the back window looking into the apartment meowing.  I opened the window and she came into the apartment.   Ever since then she has been visiting us every day, sometimes she spent nights over.  We have to be careful because we didn't want to get caught by the management who we are renting the apartment.  On the lease says NO PETS.  So we are being very cautious about the cat.  She had to belong to someone because she was very well groomed.  Flee and tick color with a bell on it.  Didn't seem there was anything wrong with her.  She seemed to be very well trained since she meows to go outside.  

It was lousy over the Christmas holidays we think the people who owns (Miss Cleo - thats what we had called) left her outside while they gone during their vacation away.  I thought that was ignorant and rude, so she stayed with us during the cold and stormy times.

busy stressful ..2017

Its been a while since I last blogged on here.  I can't believe its been a busy year of 2017 for us with moving and everything.  After our first 6 months and realizing things were getting awkward with red tape and nobody was helping us out with benefits.  I think they thought we were looking for the benefits only, not realizing that I am Irish descent and also we are married so that must had taken into account.  We went to 3 solicitors to help us.  The last one suggested us to move over the border of Northern Ireland as there was less red tape.  So we did and started looking for apartments over the border.  

July 10th we found a place in Letterkenny, Co. Donegal which is about 30 minute drive away from Derry.  We started struggling with moneywise because we had been paying for everything, leaving us with barely any money left.  We have a kind friend, Mark, from London, who gave us a gift of 200 Euros in total (100 Euros for each transaction) through paypal.  We hadn't met him and such a very kind man to do this for us.

We started getting things slowly and gradually like getting our PPS (like our Social Security number from the US), Craig got his immigration card that would help him stay, he also got his passport stamped so he could stay until August 2018 then we have to return to the Garda station to get him booked in for another year.  Two more years and he will be here legally as a resident with me.  We also gotten our prescription and medical card for copays.  We also gotten our names down for a Council house (so we could have our own place) so we don't have to live in private housing.  Sadly it will take about 2 years waiting list.  

First 5 months and we had to get out of the apartment due to Craig's mobility issues since the apartment had stairs and the toilet was on the top floor.  Not very good apartment for someone like him who has mobility issues.  So in order for the people to get us started on the waiting list, we had to find a place that is ground level and we would stay there for the 2 years until our names comes up for Council House.  

The management company that we were renting from found us a ground level apartment so we moved into there Dec 8th, the day of Craig's birthday which was just up the street from us on the mountain top.

We are now waiting for HAP, which are the people who are going to help us with our housing benefit so we would have a reduce rent to pay rather than the full amount, and because we broken our lease and complained there were issues with the other apartment, the management had to get us a better apartment.  So he used the money which was our deposit from the last apartment for our first month rent here in the new apartment.  We still have to find a way for the deposit for the new apartment.  He said it was okay to pay installments but the with housing benefit they could take care of the deposit.  Just have to wait for the letter through HAP.

So that's the update that we have been going through at the moment.  We are enjoying the new apartment.  Much bigger place too.  More space.